Support

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation,
and that is an act of political warfare.”
- Audre Lorde

These are dark days spattered with the light of hope and healing. Dark because exposure of abuse means our collective wounds must feel the pain of that exposure, healing as our collective wounds are given the chance to take fresh air, to breathe, to be acknowledged, to be set right. Abuse is so deafeningly isolating. And communal sharing of pain so healing – the link, the solidarity. The #metoo feeling. My eyes are welling up even typing this - I can feel the connection from here. Justice in others can be justice for the rest of us who did not or will not get such an opportunity.

Similarly, an injustice can trigger our own experiences of lack of justice for violation, abuse, lack of closure, again and again. For me, what is happening is so beautiful in its pain because we are birthing a new way. A better way. A way where abuse and shame and secrecy and oppression has no oxygen, no space to thrive. A place where trust and love can inhabit and spread. Change is always going to be uncomfortable, at best, and change only happens when we are deeply uncomfortable. We need to allow the wound to breathe but it hurts so much. At least we know, as we move through this pain, that nothing will be the same again.

While radical change is occurring it is vital to preserve yourself. It is vital that you survive this. It vital to put yourself first, to care for yourself with radical attention and consideration. To allow yourself to ask for ask for help, to allow yourself to receive it. To give yourself the time and space to listen to what you need, what would nourish you. Be careful of ‘trauma seeking’, where we read up on every aspect of a trauma we relate to in the news. Or go for it, and plan it so that you are resourced before, during and after. Do not throw yourself away. You are so valuable to this.

If things are coming up for you, if parts of the past are lighting up, if you are sad or anxious or anything in between, if you have been effected or re-traumatised by the recent media around Harvey Weinstein, the #METOO hashtag, and now the outpouring of experiences of Michael Colgan’s abuse of power, whether you are deciding to speak out, or not, and how to, or how not to, there are places we can go and things we can use when it feels like there is nothing. Sometimes we don’t feel we can talk to anyone in our lives, not even our cats. Or the right person isn’t available. Or we need a space that is different to what a friend or a cat or a blank page can offer. And some things we still may have never said aloud, even to ourselves.

I worked on a domestic abuse helpline for two years. The people on the other end of helplines want to talk to you, they want to answer the phone to you and they will be with you. They will believe you before you open your mouth. Silent calls are still calls, still space to be held. This isn’t a last resort thing either, put these numbers somewhere you can get them easily, or in your phone, and they will be just another tool in your toolbox of many resources. You’ll instinctively know which tool suits which job. You are not alone.

Dublin Rape Crisis Centre: 1800 77 88 88 // 24/7\

Women’s Aid: 1800 341 90 // 24/7

Aware: 1800 80 48 48 // supportmail@aware.ie // 10am – 10pm 7 days

Samaritans: 116123 // jo@samaritans.org // 24/71


Guest blog by Mia Doring.